About many, many things.

First of all, I'd like to say I'm quite devastated about the outcome of the DLSU-ADMU Championship game. I'm not bitter and I'm not gonna say anything bad about ADMU, or the referees of the game, or whoever, because I'm already tired of hearing those kinds of things (but I'm not going to deny, I agree on some points). Ateneo won this year's championship.It's over. Let's all move on. Even the Green Archers and their coach moved on already so I guess we all should,too. There's always a next year, and though I'm not gonna be a student in La Salle anymore, I'll forever support my Alma Mater. :)

Speaking of Green Archers.. I'm so crushing on Maui Villanueva.hahahaha! It's my first time to be liking a basketball varsity in school, and it's crazy! When I see him around school, I giggle like a highschooler. I'm so pathetic, I know! but then, it helps me get away with all the pressures and thoughts I've been in in the past few days.. So, I hope I see him a lot more often.. Besides, it's my last term in DLSU, so I should use my time to the "fullest"! Hahahahaha!

**Lorraine told me I should take a picture with him (like they did after one game at Araneta), and I said I don't want to appear like I'm a fan of his, coz he'll just think I'm just one fan of his and might not be interested anymore.. TALK ABOUT DAYDREAMING! =))

Okay, back to reality... :)

Longing.

I am longing to be in love, be loved..

Pity (just a boring story of yesterday's events, nothing poetic or something; a diary entry haha)

Hours before the dreaded meeting, I felt nothing awkward. I was just happy hanging out with my friends at Starbucks Taft (the new one) after singing at Lacasita Andrew for the retiring CBE profs, planning to watch a movie at Promenade in a little while, then planning to watch the rehearsals of the Kundirana 2004 members (at LSGH, Kundi Hall) for their upcoming concert. I knew then that he's gonna be there, of course, and they all teased me about it.

We went to Promenade only to find out that we're running late from the movie schedule and we couldn't watch 'coz the guys are gonna have their rehearsals soon. So we just went around Greenhills searching for Cel's gift for someone (we ended up empty handed by the way), and went back to Promenade where our other friends are staying. We all then headed to LSGH. I HAD TO LOOK GOOD, I told myself. I would never want him to see me looking crappy, I wanted to look HOT (okay, normally, I wouldn't like to use that word to refer to me coz I feel that it's..too shallow of a word;too physical.)-- good thing I dressed up well 'coz we sang earlier so I was confident about myself.

Wow was the only thing I could say describing the feeling I felt upon going inside the Kundi Hall.The feelings all gushed into me--anxiety,hatred,pain,happiness,loneliness,emptiness,regret. I saw him there, by the corner, looking all weirded up (maybe he knew I was there, Dino went a little bit earlier inside to check who's there, probably warned him that I will be going in shortly)--well I didn't really looked at him, but Kor told me he's quite uneasy.

We were looking at the posters/photos that are around the hall, laughing at all the people we knew there (of course there were a lot).
....
...
..
.

We still weren't talking.While Kizia and I are talking, Dino went over to give me a high five (I don't know why)Vince went over and whisphered (something like this), "Okay lang sayo, nandyan xa, may kausap sa telepono, at hindi kayo ngpapansinan?" "Yeah, I don't care!haha!" (while actually thinking that, a few months back (2 months precisely) I was the one he was talking to in that same phone, before their Springfields rehearsals..)

He was talking to Cel and Kor..and eventually talked to me..I think he didn't have a choice when Cel asked me about something related to what they're talking about..Then there, they left us alone as we talked about his studies,how he's flunking about 3 of his subjects..about his plans of shifting or transferring to CSB..And how I've been saying over and over that he didn't know what he needs to prioritize..I don't know how the conversation ended, but I remmebered JC going up to me saying, "kala ko kung sinong hot, si Tin pala 'to!" (hah! in his face! hahahaha.I just wanted to make him feel and SEE, that I still managed to look okay and be okay afterall.)

I just pitied him--that he only realized, just now (by the looks of his eyes) that he falied miserably, and didn't set his prioties well.I really do hope he'd be able to have another chance at that..

There.Well, he went home earlier than us.

The End.haha!

Gone.

I knew you were gone long ago. But I had the full picture when we crossed paths (literally actually) the other day..

It was such a cold feeling. Yeah we said our "hi's" but it was as cold as ever. It was as if NOTHING happened between us at all.

Where's the warmth?

Where's the sweetness?

Where's your genuine smile?

I miss it. I knew she was right when she told me from the start that I shouldn't let myself give in. She was there, deep inside me, telling me not to go further. But the other told me to just...enjoy. I did. But only at first.

Gosh...I don't wanna get hurt over and over again. I'm sick and tired of all these.

Although I'm better now, looking back is still a painful thing.

Looking at you could be painful too, that's why I keep my eyes away whenever I see you. :(

I wanted to make you feel sorry for leaving me behind-- I wanted to always look good, I wanted to look happy (even when I'm not totally feeling it),I sang my heart out during the concert (but you didn't came) <-- ALL THESE CRAZINESS AND STUPIDITY.. but I guess you're the type of person who won't be shaken by that. And it hurts a lot. Because you've just made me feel even more..... downgraded.

Why do you have to do this to me?

What have I done to you to make me feel this way?

Drama.Drama.Drama.

I'll stick to what my blogspot's all about. DRAMA. I'm all emo all over again, thanks to that f*cking who's making De La Salle Innersoul's life (well for us in the Executive Board) so freakin' hard.

before the drama part, I just want to rant. Officers elected in their respective positions SHOULD KNOW WHAT THEY'RE UP AGAINST. It's not all about the name "President" or "______ Head" or something, with that comes a BIG RESPONSIBILITY that shouldn't be left behind. And. they shouldn't be running AWAY from it. They should have enough courage to do what's supposed to be done. Not just cry in a corner and wait for nothing. Hah. Loser.








Funny that after all these things..after the stress in quizzes, thesis..org...still i think about YOU. yes you. (as if he can read this). You make me sad and stressed....even more.

What do I really want in life?

That's one BIG question.



I want an answer.But I know I won't get it immediately.



I want to be happy.happier (?)

"There is only one happiness in this life: To love and be loved."

Sick of being worried.

I know I shouldn't be feeling this way (or maybe I should if I'm acting like a true friend) but I am.

I am worried because I feel like he's going astray.I feel like his life's a mess right now that all he wants to do is to hang out with his friends and drink, not go to class and all that. I know he's failing one (or maybe two? I don't really know now) subject. I know that he just realized that he doesn't like his course. And lastly, I know he can't afford to live a life like that because he's a scholar. I wish I was there, as a friend, to guide him at least. Okay, so he's a freshman in college and some would say that it's normal (well actually, not for me when I was that age/year in college), experimenting a "bigger" world and everything and that he has to learn from his mistakes (or from the mistakes he's about to make)... But I just can't help but worry.

I just don't wanna see him lose his way over something not worth it at all...or plainly, I just don't wanna see him lose his way. I'd rather teach him again about the things he doesn't understand (or anything!) than see him stumble, face flat on the floor. I wish I could be there, AS A FRIEND, to at least be by his side. But I can only wish. Now I wonder...


Why did things end up this way?

I'd rather be his friend than be his (ex) "lover" (fling actually) if I knew this would happen. :(