Ha!

I was judged.

I was hurt.

I was broken.

You broke my heart. You broke our significant relationship. You broke me.

Of all people, I didn't expect this to come from you. It hurts to know that you think I'm doing things for a reason-- for me to have a better spot in the world that we're in. You know what, as a matter of fact, I don't need that...because honestly, I am at a better spot, if not the best, than most people, so I don't need to do what you think I'm doing.

At first, I wanted to explain my side. I wanted to show you that I'm not who you think I am. I wanted to explain the reasons for all my actions that night or for whatever time it occured. But somewhere in my mind, I thought, I don't need to explain anything to you... Since months ago, I decided not to care about what people might say about me... with that thought I became more free-- I had all the freedom to be who I am... And I'm not gonna change myself for you if you think I'm a bad person, and I'm not gonna explain either. I'll just let you think who you think I am. Anyway, I know I can't please everybody... And I'll be out of your life soon enough... Just be patient... In about nine months, I'll be out of your life. For good.

I cried a lot last night, thinking and reflecting and recounting the things that I said to make you say that... Feeling ko ang sama ko na... You made me feel like I'm a bad person... You almost made me lose faith in myself... But then I realized I've given myself valid justifications for most if not all the things you said I did. And with that... I don't care what you say about me.

I thought you were one of the people who could truly understand me... Maybe... I thought wrong. Good thing there are more people who believes in me still.

I am Changing.. :)

I've really been thinking how I've been this past few weeks.. And I realize that I have not been living my life. I was always sad and feeling lonely.. I was always insecure about everything.. I always felt vulnerable.. weak.. inferior...

Now I'm gonna change. starting monday, I promise I won't be :)

Take Me to Your Heart

Hiding from the rain and snow
Trying to forget but I won't let go
Looking at a crowded street
Listening to my own heart beat

So many people all around the world
Tell me where do I find someone like you girl

(Chorus)
Take me to your heart take me to your soul
Give me your hand before I'm old
Show me what love is - haven't got a clue
Show me that wonders can be true

They say nothing lasts forever
We're only here today
Love is now or never
Bring me far away

Take me to your heart take me to your soul
Give me your hand and hold me
Show me what love is - be my guiding star
It's easy take me to your heart

Standing on a mountain high
Looking at the moon through a clear blue sky
I should go and see some friends
But they don't really comprehend

Don't need too much talking without saying anything
All I need is someone who makes me wanna sing
(Chorus)

***I just recently heard this song again.. Saw this from someone's (a guy's) multiply account (the video I mean).. I just find it really really sweet that some guys would want to be in a girl's heart.. It's heartmawrning that there really are people who'd risk everything for love.. It's amazing that there are still a few good guys who'd want to fall in love wholeheartedly..

For the girls who already have "this kind" of guys... Never, ever let them go. It only comes once, okay, maybe twice but they are rare now.

I wish I can still have someone like this. Someone like him..

Dream Boy

I think I found him! Hahahahaha!

Saw him 2 days ago, dancing.. Typical chinito with really cute dimples.. Though his dancing isn't that impressive compared to others (I mean, he definitely knows how to dance, but he kinda lacks the "character" or "charm" that should be in there when you're dancing), but still, I don't care. :)

Found out through his jersey that night that he's from another college, but we're in the same batch.

Found out what his name is, through a friend and his teammate. Searched him through google and found out he's kinda "in demand" (no doubt about that though) hahahaha.

I found his multiply and was touched when some of his blog entries included love stories... I'm a hopeless romantic (as in literally HOPELESS!) and I really really appreciated him even more... More than just looks hahaha!






Too bad I found out he's TAKEN already. :'( just recently.

So much for having MY chinito cutie..

Love is in the air

Indeed, love is in the air.. FOR THEM. not for me.

I don't want to pity myself but I simply just can't help it you know? I refuse to think that I'm not good enough for anybody... But I'm starting to think that I am (again, for the millionth time).

And another thing that bothers me is the thought that maybe, I don't deserve to be happy, afterall. Hello KARMA! Maybe it's payback time now for me.

I hope I have enough things to do so that I wouldn't be able to feel this way... But I don't. My bosses are out (of town, work related of course), and all I'm doing here is either read Lauren Weisberger's The Devil Wears Prada (which happens to be a fun novel to read, though I feel like I'm never gonna ba able to finish at all, 'coz I feel like it's so long!)-- which made me feel sleepy, or play the demo games at the computer here, or open my multiply account (although I'm not updating it, I'm always not in the mood to do that). But nothing can really get my head off these issues in my mind. Yesterday was fine coz I was really busy because we had a technical dress rehearsal for LPEP day 1 which actually ended at around 9:30PM.. After which some of us proceeded to Sinangag Express (SEX) to eat, (coz i haven't eaten all day, except for the oatmeal earlier in the morning).. I got home 11:30 already and it's really really tiring because our LPEP perfoemances (Innersoul's and the Finale) required dancing, which, I really love. :)

But still, it's different today.

Love, why don't you come my way?