Saturday, December 19, 2009

I Can't Fight It

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Sudden brushing of arms..knees..fingers..

Warm smiles...

Moments of sweetness..

Subtle lines..


ARGH! OH gosh. Suddenly it felt good to like someone again. :)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Random # 2

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It's 12:45 PM already and I'm still awake, talking to my best friends. Things are happening over there, on their lives that I really wish I was physically there to be with them. I miss them. I miss my THREE best friends.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Random

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I just have to write something because i know it's been a REALLY LONG TIME since i last wrote/posted here. Anyway, I just got back from Manila the other day for a Christmas album launch our church produced, which I am part of. It was a really short vacation-- 4 days, but i got to see most of the people I wanted to see, church friends, college close friends, and Innersoul barkada... and most especially-- FAMILY. It really sucks that even if it's just for a short while of being there, I got attached to everything, all over again, just when I knew I have already adjusted to the life in Hong Kong, that it is a fun, convenient, and free place.. Not that I'm saying that now that I'm back I don't think this way anymore, no, it's just that, I have come to experience my "former" life at home and I miss it. I LOVE WORK, but I also want to spend time chilling with the people I love.

I guess I'll always be crying whenever I visit the Philippines, when I'm on my way to the airport departure gates. :|

HK Disney performers had a gurreeeat party last night, ala ASAP 09 they say. I totally enjoyed it. I believe I'm coming back again to the adjusted me, soon.. until I get back to Manila again.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Ohh Baby Baby!

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These days, aside from work I've been following series like Glee, Gossip Girl and Grey's Anatomy.

Uhhmm... I don't really have a point, do I? I don't really have a particular topic on mind do I? Hahahaha. Sorry, I'm just not in the mood. Something makes me feel this way. Like... Pissed off, you know?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

One Month.

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It's been over a month since I've been here in Hong Kong and I haven't been updating this site for quite some time already. I have been busy. with my new work and my new life.. and I have to say, I'm lovin' it.

Freedom, I think, is the very thing that I've wanted ever since I felt I wanted to be independent already; and I'm getting it now-- late nights, sleepovers, and all those other stuff.. But I have to say I'm becoming a more responsible person as I ever was before. I believe I'm on my way to personal growth, given the drastic change in my life. And I can say I am so much looking forward to that.

A few things I have realized in the course of this transition:
1) Communication is key . And I'm not saying this in a boyfriend-girlfriend setting (although I know it should also be the key) because I don't have a boyfriend, but in a family setting. I now value communication with my parents, compared to who I am back in the Philippines, all eyes on the computer caring about nothing in this world... Now, I am all eyes on the computer, mostly because I do get to talk to them given the technology today, and it's just so refreshing to talk to familiar people after a long day of work with newly found friends (or just people at work). Same goes to my ever beloved friends who are still in contact with me =)

2) Another love can help you get a move on from the past. Okay, maybe most people would say no, and that's what I've been hearing in the past whatever years, but now, I actually met a person who believes in this the same way that I do; so now I know I'm not making this up.. So now I know, a new love would help me completely get through with all the things I've been dealing with; things and moments and memories that has been going on through my mind at random days; things I want to forget but I can't..

I kinda hate this feeling of feeling hatred and love at the same time. I kinda hate the fact that I want to see you but then I don't because all the hurtful things that you said will be brought back.. and I think I've suffered enough that I don't want it to happen again. All I wanted was for us to be friends again. I never did anything destructive to you, to your relationship, to whatever. It was just a brief moment of time (for you), a moment of thrill and excitement, so I still can't explain or justify why the hell did this get to you that much... So much that after you've already hurt me, you still had to hurt me all over again by the things that you've said. I hate it that I'm having a hard time moving on... Because it was just a month or so, but for me it felt so real and so genuine.. When it was the opposite for you.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Farewell For Now

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Suddenly after reading a friend's letter for me, it dawned (YES GAMIT KO DIN TERM MO JILL :)) ) to me that I really am gonna be leaving soon. I don't know if people think this is shallow, I mean, it's gonna be for a year only and, it's only in Hong Kong... But you don't understand. I've never been away from my family and friends for a long time. The longest time I've been away was... 12 days I think when I went to China, and that was, 3 years ago? Anyway, now I'm crying my heart out, and I just want to take this opportunity (me bring so emotional) to write messages for people. WALANG AANGAL DITO AH, MOMENT KO ITO: (In no particular order)

JILL: I HAAAAATE YOUUUU. You made me cry I so hate you! JOKE. Hahahaha gusto ko pantayan yung mga sinabi mo sa letter pero uulitin ko lang din yung sinabi mo dun. Basta, okay fine one year. DON'T YOU QUIT OKAY, ON EVERYTHING (you know what I mean). It'll be great, just wait (yesssss it rhymes!). You don't know how much I am thankful to God that we have this friendship (tingnan mo inuulit ko lang sinabi mo haha), because... because of so many things. You know that I'm happy to have you as a friend kahit na "you're mocking me" hahahaha. Basta yuuuun. You'll visit me ok! I love you powzzzzzz! P.S. I am blessed to have an anointed worship leader friend like you. NAKSSSSSS =)) =)) =))

CELINE: HAYYYYY! I know it sucks that I'll be leaving the day after your birthday and I won't be seeing you even on the day of your birthday AND we'll be meeting on Friday on a restricted schedule (because you only have an hour and a half lunch break and I can only stay for an hour sorry!). Pero amongst everyone (except my church friends) ikaw ang pinaka madalas ko nakikita eh kaya I guess okay lang. Pero I will miss you, you know that, like I've said before our friendship was i think composed of about 80% of us being physically together, nagbago lang yun after we graduated and we kinda had to adjust to it. :)) Ah basta basta this is another test of friendship and I know we'll make it. :) yess magjowa nga talaga tayo!! I love you boyfriend!!! Oy yung deal natin ha, dapat bago ako bumalik meron ka ng..... alam mo na ;) ** KOR: HOY! I AM WATCHING YOU! (You know what I mean) :D ** MAMAS AND PAPAS: I love you po! hehehe! thank you po sa bawat paghatid at pagpapalamon sakin. Puntahan nyo ko ako sa Hong Kong magttreat ako! HAHAHA!

DEZ: We barely saw each other na and that's sad but like we've said, sanay tayo sa ganito. I know, even though we don't get to talk a lot, that we still have each other's back. You are my UGLY TRUTH. Thank you for giving me advice that's harsh but at the same time, true. You know me very well and I love that about you, it seems like I don't have to tell you if I'm sad or whatever, you just know. And you know the right words to say MOST OF THE TIME. :)) I admire you and I know you're gonna go far. Keep you head held high, someone's bound to come in the right time :) And ngayon pa lang I congratulate you na. I believe in you. :D

EDAH AND CLAR: PANGET KAYO. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love you and I will miss you! :) Edah I'm proud of you, you'll be working na! Sabay tayo ng first day! Clar! mAghanap ka na, anu ka magiging housewife ni Popoy?! HAHAHAHA! No, seriously, we've been through a lot, and you may think I am crazy most of the time but, hahaha I can do this na. :) Keep in touch okaaaaay?

PASTOR ERIC, ATE CY AND NASH: HEHEHEHE. Thank you po for everything, from the very start, for believing in me on my very first Sunday as a part of the Worship Team you let me sing a Special number. It meant a lot. I just want you to know that I look up to you as an inspiration in leading and serving the Lord ayuuuun. Thanks for always being there for me :D I WILL BE BACK! PROMISE! :))

PASTOR REY AND PASTORA JOYCE: WEEEEE. Hehehehe :) Thank you po for being my mom's friend and everything. I super duper love your family to bits! :) I know God will guide you whatever path you may take. :D

NEW LIFE MUSIC TEAM AND REVEALED: Thank you for being a part of my life in New Life. I regret that I only joined this team this year, but I am blessed to have met all of you. I will see you soon! :D

INNERSOUL (New and Old): I will miss you! Visit me I know you can! =)

CAO FRIENDS: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! thanks for the messages in YM and text asking me about my flight and whatever else! Mara, Kat, Mario, Berba (yan kasi yung mga ngttext at ng Ym sakin so walang magtatampo haha) I love you all! :D

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Supposedly Dated August 30

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Now I understand to hold you I must open up me hands and watch you rise...

I was listening to my iPod when the song Butterfly by Mariah Carey was played. These words above are the ones that were stuck in my mind. I don't know why...

But I will stand and say goodbye, for you'll never be mine...

I guess I need proper closure. I don't wanna get stuck with this mess for a long time especially now that everyone's practically moving on with their lives... I just need a fresh start please. :(

I typed this on my iPod almost a month ago... Now, nomehow, I'm slowly picking up the pieces and trying to get on with life. I'm really bad at this part of my love life (or should I say lost love life? HAHAHAHA!)


Counting The Days..

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As the days draw near, I feel... I don't actually know what I'm feeling. I've been counting the remaining Sundays I'll be able to sing... Counting the Wednesdays I'll be able to sing and attend the Revealed Service.. Counting the days that I could spend with my family watching Grey's Anatomy (yeah, I've persuaded my mom and dad to watch and they're liking it) and eating and laughing (yeah we don't fight as much right now thank God)... Counting the days I could spend with my friends...

I actually am looking forward to stating anew. Meeting new friends. Forgetting what needs to be forgotten. Leaving what needs to be left behind. But on the other hand, I don't want to forget something that have taught me something. Wounded me but made me stronger. Pushed me to my limits. Set my boundaries.


Sunday, September 20, 2009

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I want to achieve something. But I feel like... I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I don't have what it takes. I used to really want it. I used to have visions of me doing it. But I just can't feel it.


To Jillian

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I look at you and I see a very talented and wonderful singer who's so anointed. You may think you didn't do well but you did. I know it's God but, I'm still proud of you. You're ready, and, it is your season believe me. :)


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Apologize

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I just wish you'd be man enough to say sorry for the things you've caused me, the way I did to you. You acted as if you were the victim, not that I'm saying I was the victim 'coz I'm not, we both chose this. But I just want you to acknowledge that it wasn't only you who got hurt; I got hurt badly too, I don't know if you had an idea (of course you do, I told you I loved you). I think, I'm over you I know I don't love you anymore, but I'm not over what you did and I won't be over until you say, "I'm sorry".


Read Between the Lines (Starbucks Entry #3)

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12:11 AM

We had the right love at the wrong time...

I'm actually here at a churchmate's workplace, we went straight here after the "supposed to be recording". It's a Japanese Club (now now, don't judge, you don't know what it looks like, it's not a bad environment, I've seen it firsthand), and I'm staying inside the Tech Booth right now, while the Japanese customers dance with their CCA (they're not called GRO anymore; and they look decent and presentable actually, nothing really slutty) while waiting for him to finish talking to the Manager that evening.

I guess I always knew inside, I couldn't have you for a long time...

The "supposed to be" recording at 5:00PM actually really started at 6:00PM, and we weren't actually able to record anything; it basically consisted of just rehearsals, for both me and Kuya.

And if they're calling you away, I have no right to make you stay...

I'm going to a friend/ex-colleague's play this Saturday and I'm so excited. Partly because I'll get to see our other friends, and partly because I'm so thrilled with him embarking on a "new journey" like this, like me. I have known in the past that this was what he really wanted; and I'm so glad that he;s able to fulfill all his dreams; I know he'll surely go a long way-- with those looks and talent, it's UNDENIABLE. He's even starting it big, being an alternate to a famous teen singer and theater actor. I'm a proud friend. KUDOS TO YOU! =)

Somewhere down the road, our roads are gonna cross again, it doesn't really matter when...

Cel got her Mac already!! I'm so happy for her and looking forward to recording maybe even a song or two before I go. :) And moreover, I'm excited to have a Mac myself! December (or earlier) please? :D

Letting go is just another way to say I'll always love you so...


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

You Are Not Alone

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You are not alone in feeling sad that I'll be gone soon, that I'll be missing this brand new friendship that we have, that I won't be hearing much from you in a few weeks' time... and all that (I can go on and on, but there's just a lot, others not meant to be seen by others *wink* haha). But all I want you to know is that, during that short time, you've made me feel welcomed, you've opened the door to meeting new people and being more at ease in the environment that we are in; being more at ease with you. I think I have never met a girl that I've easily trusted with everything, and I guess, in times like these that I don't have anything to talk to, it's nice to know that I have you whenever, almost 24/7. Haha!

For what it's worth, I'd like to thank you, for the wonderful last few months before embarking on a new journey. We'll know soon enough why we are placed by God in each others' lives, so don't think too much haha! You know that I love you and I know that you love me more than you hate me for leaving.




P.S. I know you'll be reading this soon enough. TELL ME WHEN YOU DO OKAY? :)

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Never Falling Apart (Starbucks Entry #2)

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I've known my bestfriend, Cel for more than two years now. We were in the same organization; a singing group that I joined in when I was about to enter my junior year in college. We didn't actually hit it off as friends, she was one of the older ones in the group (seniority in the organization! Not of age haha when she graduated she was the longest staying member of Innersoul ever haha!) and I was a new one so I bonded with the newer girls since we talk about the same stuff, even though I am classmates with Cel in 2 of my subjects that term I think. I don't actually know when or where did all these best friend thing started to happen but what I know is that those two girls I was close with left the group (Pam migrated to Australia, and Mara just suddenly wasn't attending rehearsals) and technically, we were the two oldest girl members. To make it short, we became the best of friends. Most of our time together as bestfriends were spent literally being together EVERYDAY, because aside from having the same organization, we were also classmates, we were both officers in our last year in college, and we even graduated together. When we're not together (during SOME of the weekends), we constantly text each other or call or anything. We're pretty much like the boyfriend of each other and people jokingly think that way too.

Eventually after graduating, she was the first one (between the two of us) to get a job at a very well known company. But even after starting to work, we'd communicate everyday through text, sometimes calls, but of course as months flew by she became busier. A lot more things were needed to be done, and to top it all off, sha had a new world. Yes, we still text everyday but of course texts are getting fewrer everyday. Don't get me wrong, I understand that. But you see, I'm scared. I'm leaving in a little over a month, and I'm scared! Scared that we'll fall apart, scared that I won't have her anymore when I'm gone, that we'll lose contact and all those things, and I KNOW i don't want that. I don't wanna lose my bestfriends; I don't wanna lose her. We may have a lot of differences in beliefs in general, but that wasn't ever a problem between us. In fact, I can't remember a single thing we really fought over with. We support each other. We love each other. She's my "girly girl" bestfriend; my shopping buddy,my cyber stalking partner (haha!), my duet partner, my manicure-pedicure,naicha loving twin. MY TWIN! MY "BOYFRIEND". :)

Luckily we spent time together yeaterday here at home, watching DVDs, and our 10th year concert, reminiscing about everything and everyone, laughing and all.. I realized, WE'RE NOT GONNA FALL APART AFTERALL. :)


Starbucks Entry #1

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Actually supposedly dated August 29, 2009

Yesterday, I had the impulse to look for my 2009 Starbucks Planner because I needed to write a lot of stuff-- SCHEDULE FOR THE WHOLE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER for the recording of the Christmas Album that's gonna be released mid October, so to make the long story short, my schedule was going to be pretty tough so I needed to actually write down my schedule. So yea I found it. I was browsing through the pages (talk about memorable dates and such but let's not talk about it right now) and I realized I haven't written anything in the past months since May, meaning I've been really idle since May (well I remember going through some interviews!! But I wasn't able to write them). So, (before typing it up here), I am writing this entry on the empty pages of my Starbucks planner, and I think I'm gonna do this a lot more often just if I have an impulse to write anything.

*************************

Finally after 3 weeks (4 days of going back and forth), I'm done with my medical examinations for employment!! And I'm FIT TO WORK! This is finally happening. I'm just so happy, thinking I'm one step closer to my job, my DREAM JOB!

So, my agency's assigned medical center is located in Intramuros so, in order that I get there, I have to travel through the road of Taft Avenue, Upon going home last Thursday, suddenly, I was hoping to see someone I know when the bus pass by La Salle, I was hoping like, one of the new Innersoul members, or a former classmate, or other orgmates. But never did I expect seeing that one person. I knew it was him because I saw another familiar face with him, and I knew they were friends. Uhmm... let's just say I was totally caught off guard, seeing him when I just don't expect to see him. It's just that... My heart skipped. I just terribly miss him... as my FRIEND. (or that's what I like to think) But no, I am over him. I just kinda hate him for what he's done AFTER.

Amidst the happiest day... You still have the power to make me grow weary seeing you. I wish we've ended on better terms, maybe I won't be like this anymore.


Friday, August 21, 2009

I Probably Fell In Love With My Best Friend. 2 More to go.

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Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times.

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.


[untitled]

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Did you say it? ‘I love you. I don’t ever want to live without you. You changed my life.’ Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in ‘cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.



Saturday, August 15, 2009

One Sweet Love

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It's been a while since I last wrote here. I've been sort of busy with a lot of stuff especially fixing all my papers for my work. Gladly, last week, I have finished and submitted all my requirements to the agency. So far, so good. In a few weeks time, hopefully I'll be having my working visa already. :) YEY! I want to be optimistic about things. THIS IS MEANT TO BE. I EARNED THIS. THEREFORE, I WILL GET IT. :) Last Thursday I went to the local agency and submitted all the requirements that they need. I have also undergone medical exams (though I'm still not done, because we had to have this PreDeaprture Seminar and we had to leave earlier), which I will continue Wednesday (MY PLAN, so that I could meet up with my best friend and her sister and Innersoul as well.)

Speaking of INNERSOUL, well, the NEW INNERSOUL, I got to bond with them last Thursday and Frieday and all I can say is they're one happy BIG group. They're actually twice as big (in number) as we were when I first came in Innersoul, and they have very different personalities. The Innersoul that I was used to (that I "grew" up with) is different from the Innersoul now. Compared to them, we had different interests then. But still, they're really fun to be with and I'm glad I was able to bond with then and really be friends with them over the course of just 2 days, including the CAO Awards. (BTW, Congrats to De La Salle Innersoul, for winning the BEST DRESSED award!hahahahahaha!Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow, Innersoul will rock in style ;) ) I LOVE YOU MY NEW BABIES!

I also got to hang out with a few of my college friends before the CAO Awards and it's just really fun. I'll miss a lot of places, and a lot of people when I'm gone. Hopefully I'll really be able to visit once in a while.

It'll be less than two months 'til I go...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Condolences and More

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First of all, I would like to offer my condolences not only to the family of the Former President Corazon Aquino, but to the whole Filipino nation, for OUR loss. To tell you honestly, I didn't really care much with the news at first, I'm thinking, you know, everyone of us will come to an end of our earthly life; it's inevitable. And I just regard her as just one of the famous figures in our country who died, like famous public figures who died recently, like, for example, the celebrity manager, Douglas Quijano. I even wondered why there is a need to declare August 5 (yesterday) a holiday in commemoration of her death (I was happy anyway), because I WASN'T BORN YET WHEN THE PEOPLE POWER REVOLUTION HAPPENED, moreso with the death of Benigno Aquino.

So, we spent the whole morning (actually until the afternoon), following the Cory-related events, starting from the Necrological Mass (the singers, I can say, were the best! Everything was soooo solemn and songs sent "shivers down my spine" hahahaha), up until the very looooooong travel from the Manila Cathedral to Manila Memorial (I wasn't able to finish because I had Godly errands that night =p). Particularly, during the Homily, where all the good deeds and traits of Cory were mentioned did I realize how much of a great person she is, how big her part in the "freedom" of our country from the dictatorship of President Marcos for more than a decade. Albeit the fact that she was only a housewife, and only knew then how to lead the household and her kids living a simple life, she gave up all of that to fight for a long-suffering country and succeeded. To make the long story short, she's a LEGEND. With her death, not only did we lose a former President, but we also lost a mother and a friend.













On another note (and a very different one), I'm very excited for next week's Revealed Unlimited Service. Well but of course, I'm always excited but this one's diffrent because I'm assigned to sing contemporary songs in the lobby where people are waiting for the service to begin. :) I'm just so excited. I would want to share my repertoire for next week (Jill helped me with this, thanks pwet :) ), but I want it to be a surprise. So, if you wanna watch me and LEARN THE WORD OF GOD afterwards, join us, at #2 Don Manolo Avenue, Alabang Hills, Muntinlupa this Wednesday August 13, 2009, 7:00 (if you want to watch me haha), 7:30 (is the main service). It's only 'til 9:00PM, you won't even realize it's done because it's so much fun!Revealed is open to youth and young adults ages 16 and up. :) See you there!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

..And August Begins.

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In a little over two months, I'll be leaving the Philippines, so in the next days or so, maybe I'll be reminiscing about whatever it is that I could think of.

THE END. HAHA! I can't write right now. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TITA EVELYN! :D

Friday, July 31, 2009

Why Now?

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I would've understood if you did it from the very beginning, because I know you said you were hurt, and I understand because I have my faults.

But why now?
I really can't understand.

For the record I wasn't trying to make you look bad. If anything, I was protecting you and defending you. When everyone tells me it's not healthy anymore and all that, and that you're such a jackass and a loser, I THOUGHT OTHERWISE. So don't come telling anybody that I tore your image down (or something like that). And that you're hurt. Okay, fine, you're hurt and yeah it's my fault. But didn't you ever realize that I ALSO WAS HURT BY ALL THESE? Do you know that there were months I spent thinking about you everyday without fail? That I cry over "what could have beens", that includes "What if I didn't went into this 'relationship'?", because if it weren't for what happened, maybe we'd still be the good friends that we were waaaay back, and maybe you'll still be "the ex-fling of my close friend" and not "MY ex-fling".. and maybe I wouldn't have fallen in love with you and got hurt because YOU DON'T FEEL THE SAME.

NOW TELL ME WHO GOT HURT MORE.


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

God's Message

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"But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in Heaven." -Matthew 10:33

Since yesterday, God has been impressing this verse to me. First, I saw it when I was studying in Bible school that morning, then accidentally, that night, when I was reading the Bible I came across this verse again. I know what God has been telling me all along. Do you know what he's saying to you now?

It's never too late to change our old ways. In our world right now, I know it is pretty damn hard, considering all the temptations and all the opportunities that you're going to pass out in order to follow Him, but WE SHOULD, if we want to end up in His Kingdom. Like the Bible says, "The road to hell is wide; the pathway to heaven is narrow." "Many are called but few are chosen."

I don't know about you, but I want to be part of the FEW who are CHOSEN.

I know I'm not living a Godly lifestyle right now, but I'm trying to take a turn.


Dilemma

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I know, I haven't been writing for days. I've been kind of busy. and I don't have enough time to construct my thoughts and write (well I don't even feel like I'm in the mood to write right now but, I just have to get this out of my system I currently have no one to talk to for everyone's at work or something!).

It's just that I haven't been receiving emails from the people I should be receiving emails from. I'm scared my dreams will all be shattered just because I don't think I have enough experience as compared to my soon-to-be colleague who's a finalist at a Reality TV Singing Show and have been part of Summer Theater Musicals. But I have the heart! I have the heart! And the talent.

I have to lean more on the grace og God, I know I should. Help!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Cheat Day Today

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For the past week or so, I have been trying to go on a diet--no rice, less amount of food intake during meals, (sort of) exercise which is walking, (I think pangmatanda nga lang ata ito pero I don't have time!) basta. Today, Sunday, is my cheat day. :)

I WANT TO EAT

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EAT..

I'M HUNGRAY AND... FINE I WANT CARBONARA FROM CHURCH...

PERO MAMAYA PA AKO MAKAKAPUNTANG CHURCH.

AWWWW ang fun ng problem ko. :))

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Remembering the Past

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For so long (as in so long), I have been looking for my journals when I was in Fourth year highschool I think. I know I had those cute pink diaries bought from Regalong Pambahay which I kept everywhere hidden around my room. It is hidden because my mom has a tendency to raid my room for those diaries (when I was younger, now I leanred not to have those, because I know she'll be raiding my stuff again if she finds out haha!). Even waaay back, I think she got and read my diaries and that pissed me off real bad so, I'm just glad I'm a really talkative person now than before and I have close friends to share my thoughts and problems with so there. :)

Anyway, going back, I FOUND ONE!! It's the volume 2 though of my three part diary in foruth year. I was so excited to see it and immediately flipped through the pages and read the entries. It was definitely FUNNY! Dati pa lang pala, madrama na ako. HAHAHA!! Really! It's all about school and insecurities about friends having a "lovelife" and I'm not having one... Some fantasies I'd rather not talk about (for it's very very stupid.. and crazy.. and funny all at the same time!). Basta, it's all so funny and sad at the same time. I had issues then that I still am having NOW (guess what hahahaha). It's nice to look back, still.

Why did I share this? Well, The thing that I'm really gonna share is a like a story about love (How we "fall" in love). It's kind of nice (Pero kasi ngayon I don't believe that it is called "falling" in love eh, basta I'll share my insight in the next few days na I got from I Kissed Dating Goodbye, 'coz I kinda have a hectic schedule with Bible school and stuffs haha). Haha! I just forgot where exactly did I got this.

Falling in love is like going into a building with that person... After the first impression, the first smile, or the first whatever that caught your attention, you go into the lobby... Every step you take, he/she gives you a reason to take another step forward... then another... then another... Until you get to the point of going to the second floor...

You climb the stairs together, getting to know each other... You find out you have a lot in common... You find out about the things that he/she likes... about the things that he/she hates... you find yourself laughing over each other's embarrassing moments... You start to feel something... You start to feel the friendship the moment you step into the second floor...

You keep on climbing the stairs, and as you go, your friendship goes to a whole new level... He/she tells you practically everything... You start to develop a relationship with each other that has no inhibitions, no restrictions... You begin to know each other so well... You're so comfortable... And by the time you step onto the platform of the third floor, you know, he/she cares for you...

And so the two of you continue climbing the stairs, but this time you're going hand in hand... He/she is much closer to you now... Even more comfortable than before... And you think to yourself "Is this still the friendship talking? Or is it something else?"

The moment those thoughts enter your mind, your heart flutters everytime he/she gestures to hold your hand, or steady on your arm... Your heart skips a beat everytime the person just smiles... And by the time the two of you share a hug, all you feelings have exploded and you find yourself stepping onto the platform of the fourth floor...

You don't know what to do... You feel like something's different... That something else is going on between the two of you... That he/she likes you... And that you are starting to feel the same way... to your excitement, you rush out of the stairwell to take the elevator to the rooftop... You're thinking, "This is it! This is finally it!" You're ready to take the fall... But when you've reached the edge of the rooftop, you realize that he/she is not behind you... You worry... You start to wonder, "Why am I alone here?" Then looking below you, you see him/her waiting for you... He/she screams, "Don't be afraid... I'm here to catch you!" your heart suddenly became as big as the moon... The one you love is right there waiting, just waiting to catch you from your fall! You don't hesitate another minute, you jump and you end up below, in his/her arms, with all your love and admiration, you hug that person and thank him/her for catching you... BUT HERE'S THE THING... He/she made it down fast to catch you right? That person never left the fourth floor dreary... AND SO THERE LAY THE TRADGEDY... You were so caught up in your emotions that you rushed your way into love... Not even thinking about the other person.. You skipped so many moments, so many signs and so many detours that you didn't see what you left behind... Now, what are you left with?THE SAME PERSONYOU FIRST SAW AT THE LOBBY. You're back to the smiles, and the simple "hey" you had together in the beginning.

WHY?

The person went bacdown to cath you remember?

DON'T LOOK FOR SOMEONE TO CATCH YOU... find someone who would take time to climb the staps with you an have their arms around you when you decide to take the fall... Don't rush... If you're not sure that the person wants to go up another floor, don't beat him/her to it... THAT'S THE STUPIDEST MOST PAINFUL AND MOST REGRETFUL THING YOU COULD DO...


Oh HAPPY Day.

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I'm just trying to keep myself from bursting out like crazy. It isn't a happy day. Haha!

But I have to practice positivity because I'll get wrinkles early if I don't stop thinking about these things about problems and issues and such.

And I'm not in the mood to discuss it here. Not today, not any day.

P.S. I got a letter na from my work asking for my documents! I can't believe this is really happening. Kirs once told me, na this is the reward (although I'm not calling it a reward I just cen't find of any other term, but she used that kasi) for all the hardships I've been enduring for the past months, maybe even years. :) Oh well, all I know is that God is really good to me. and I'm so grateful for it.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dreams Come True

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'Nuff said. :)

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Korean Invasion 2.0

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I have been just listening and watching videos from YouTube of these Korean girl groups and Kor told me to look for This Time by Wonder Girls.. It is really beautiful! I just want to share the Video with English subtitles. Beautifully sang :) Sunye (the Leader of the group, the short-haired one) andYubin (the rapper) are my favorites :) (I hope I got their names right though, I only got them from Kor :))




This Time



P.S. all my vids are from YouTube.com, i just download them to store them in my Ipod :)

Korean Invasion

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KOREAN INVASION AT ITS FINEST!! This time, it isn't all about the Koreanovelas, but singing groups!! The video above is the Live version of Fire, from the girl group 2ne1, where our very own (then) actress, Sandara Park is part of. Finally her dream of becoming a famous star in Korea came true, after all the hard work of course. :) Anyway, I just love it. I always get hyped up whenever girl groups sing and dance at the same time, it's what I've always wanted-- and overall performance! I hope I get to do that professionally someday ;)

The Secret

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Before going out and singing Praise and Worship to the 5:30 congregation, Kuya Edwin shared to us this very meaningful quote he got from the movie Facing the Giants (I haven't watched this; I should though.):

The Secret of life is LETTING GO; the secret of love is LETTING IT SHOW.





Saturday, July 18, 2009

Word for Today

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In Facebook, I am part of the group I am CHRISTian --- 777,777,777 CHRISTIANS.

Almost everyday, someone sends us a message that gives us this "Word for the Day". It may be a short short story and a verse connected to it, or simply a verse. I would just like to share to you this message:

A Life Of Not Living

First, I was dying to finish high school.
Then, I was dying to finish college.
Next, I was dying to marry and have children.
After that, I was dying for my children to grow up enough so that I could return to work.
Then, I was dying to retire
And now,
I am dying,

And suddenly,
I realize
I forgot to live.

“Live life to its fullest (Godly way), treasure every moment, enjoy what you have TODAY! Because TOMORROW may no longer come...”

In our world today, we're always used to the fast paced life, that's why snail mails are replaced by E-MAIL, telagrams are replaced with TELEPHONES or better yet CELLPHONES, even in courtship, the guys before usually have to visit a girl to be able to talk to them and woo them (haha) but now, text messaging makes that a lot more easier, and so forth. We always want to get things done the fastest it can be, without realizing that maybe we are missing some parts of our lives. I, for one, am thi kind of person who, even as a young girl, wanted to just grow up and be independent because I didn't want my strict parents getting in the way of how to live my life. Now, I do understand why they are doing that, although we often see things in a different way, at least I am able to understand the "why's" in their actions; it may be overboard a couple of times, but what can I say? I think I wouldn't be the person that I am now if it weren't for them. Sure, you'll still see my post about maybe bashing them or just letting out my thoughts whenever we have misunderstandings, but the thing is, at the end of the day, they still are my parents who'll always be there no matter what, how, when and why.

Anyway what I'm saying is simply to not rush through life, yes, live life to the fullest, in a Godly way. I know, people of this generation are struggling to live a Godly lifestyle, and even I'm part of that. I have and am faced with circumstances that exposes me to so much temptation, some I've denied, some I've given in, and I'm not proud of it. Now I just feel like it's never too late to change so I am changing for the better, for I want to learn to grow spiritually. :)

MATTHEW 6:34 ---
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own..."


Thursday, July 16, 2009

Fulfilled.

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Yesterday was a very tiring day. I woke up at around 4:30AM to fix up and all and it was raining hard outside. I'm like, "God, don't you want me to do this?" But then of course, being the fighter that I am (yes, I'm a fighter, I'd like to think I am), and being that I've spent effort (not on rehearsing, but on making things right about this day) and emotions for this, of course I still went for it.

...

...

...

10:00AM: Going to that auditions was a FIRST. I never auditioned for anything this big before, because my parents wanted me to concentrate (then) on my studies, and I was still young then to force what I want right? Haha! Anyway, at first it really felt awkward because it seemed like the people knew each other, perhaps, they've been on the same theater workshop over the summer, or they are the same ones who auditioned last week at Universal Studios, or they just knew each other because they auditioned last year. It's not that I'm alone, I'm with a couple of friends actually, but they also knew the people because of the auditions last week. So I'm the "new girl" to say the least. There were a lot of people, we're over a hundred in number!

I was kinda nervous when while we were waiting, because I wasn't able to vocalize, and I haven't rehearsed my song with live music (I only practised on the minus ones I got from the internet, but the audition would entail singing with a live pianist so, it is still kind of different), and.. yeah I'm a newbie and I don't know anything about the process and stuff, and I'm the kind of person who kinda hates not knowing, so there. But before we went in, I was able to kind of fully rehearse my songs about 4-5 times, but I was still not that confident.

...

...

...

I came in the audition room, saw 2 judges (both American, a guy and a girl) and a pianist, who, from what I've heard, is the Musical Director of Disneyland Hongkong himself (WOW). I sang my first song, Love You I Do (Dreamgirls), but the guy judge (I can only assume) didn't like the song (did not let me finish the whole 16 bars), and asked for my second song, which was Reflections (Mulan). I sang it first time, Pop version (Chirstina Aguilera's), so I sang the first line quite softly then he let me repeat it again belting it out. Then after singing the first time they said, "We'll see you at 3PM for the next round." AMAZING RIGHT? HAHAHA well I'm quite amazed because I thought the guy judge didn't like me (because he wasn't smiling!). I guess, if God really wanted it to happen, it will, no matter what the circumstances are.

3:00 PM Round 2 Auditions: We were taught a Disney song (Son of Man, Tarzan) and was tasked to sing it individually (while they videotape it). To make the long story short, I got in the second round! Truly, God's grace is abounding towards all of us who got in. :)

Right after the cut, we were asked to go inside the audition room (during that time, we were only maybe about 12 then (?), 4 guys 6 girls, inclusing Red and I) and learn a routine from Highschool Musical (YEY!) entitled "What Time Is It". Dancing actually felt really really GOOD! It felt like, I was really meant to do this, I was really meant to rock this! HAHAHAHA! No but seriously, I really felt at home. :) So there, after we learned the routine we were asked to perform it while they videotape it. We waited a couple of minutes outside the studio then they asked one guy (I'm so sorry I forgot your name! I'm bad with names!) to come in the studio again, and I think we heard him sing a piece from Mulan, so we thought they're looking for a male lead for Mulan. Then the remaining guys were asked to come inside and we heard them sing a song from Highschool Musical (YEY AGAIN HAHA!), then we girls were up next and we were just asked to hit a certain note in HSM's We're All In This Together (Gosh, I didn't know the song by heart, so everybody's adlibbing and I just went with the flow..I just hope that won't mess up my chances, will it?)

After a few minutes again, they told us to expect a call soon (for they really have spots ofpen for Disneyland Hongkong) maybe 2 weeks time, if we made it or not.

Then we left na. Hehe!

So now, I have to bear the agony... No, I won't use the terms "bear the agony" for this.. I have to just wait and be hopeful that things turn out well. :) God's will above all else. :)

P.S. Auditioning was fun! I had an awesome experience :)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I'm Dead Nervous

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I've never been this nervous for a very long time. I am totally not prepared!!!!

God please please help me :)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

First Step.

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My facebook status says, "Taking the first step to making my dreams come true (?) God please guide me, i need guidance. HAHAHA!"

Yes, I took the first step towards reaching what I really want to do. Mababaw na kung sa mababaw at sabihin na nilang wala akong ambisyon or wala akong growth dun pero this is what I really want. If things don't go my way, then it's not meant to be, just as anything (you want or dream) that doesn't work means. I just do not want to look back and ask myself of the "What ifs", I've had enough of that in love. This is an opportunity for MY FUTURE; read MY future. I will grab it.

If God willed for it to be mine, then so be it. I don't think there's harm in trying.

I just wish the people closest to me would support me. What's the point of bragging (to their friends and all other people) what I do best if I wouldn't be able to really practice and hone and make it a profession if I really love it that much? Moreso, how could I become mature enough in life if I don't get to choose the path I'm going to take?


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Something New

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Since I've recently decided to really be serious about my blogging, I thought I should really have a central theme for it, aside from the usual dramas of my life, or else, readers would get sick of my boring boring life and not visit my site again haha! So, since two of my most favorite TV series (as mentioned in my previous blog entries) are opening again this September (I think), I'll be having weekly accounts of them. I can't say reviews, because I don't know, I'm not that much of a critique and I'm kind of biased because I love both shows, but of course, being the talkative person that I am, I'll absolutely talk about every episode and all the drama of course.

I'm excited! Hahaha! I don't care if you're not but I am. :))

Grey's Anatomy Notes

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The perks of bumming around at home and absolutely doing nothing is.....




WATCHING TV SERIES!




I've been watching Grey's Anatomy for the past month and I've recently finished it. I know, I know, it's full of drama. Hello! Why am I called the drama queen if it weren't for my love of DRAMA?HAHAHA. No, actually, on the serious side, I really really loved it because I can relate to it. Bits and pieces of it is EVERYONE'S story. I specifically like the little stories of the patients admitted in the hospital, the different lives and stories they live... Not to mention the controversial and knitted lives of the characters in the story. And since I've got nothing to do, I'm going to point out the things that I like and the things that I don't in the series (we can share notes!haha!)

First of all, Preston Burke's exit from the show was devastating for me. I liked their relationship (him and Christina); it's not the usual mushy "I love you forever.." type of love stories but you'll see the depth of their feelings for each other... And the sudden change of mind of Burke (at their wedding day) really took a great turn for me for I was really devastated, 'coz I knew how much he wanted Christina and loved her (although in reality, Isaiah Washington's exit from the show was due to irreconcilable issues in the show search it for details). I also felt for Christina; the look on her face upon Burke's exit, the way she wanted to take her wedding dress off.... Sandra Oh's a very good actor.

I hate that Allison Shepherd had to leave the series!! Although I know, she had a spin off called Private Practice (I watched the Pilot episode, it's...not bad.), but her being IN the cast of Grey's is still...different. Everytime she guest stars on Grey's I feel really happy, although I don't like her character at the very beginning (she looked really old then but she became radiant and blooming as the episodes progressed), I liked her in the end, the "letting go" and stuff. :)

Here's what I like...

I like the season ender of Season 4 (I think it's season 4), where Meredith made a blueprint of their future home (through candles) in Derek's empty lot. It's just so amazing for a person like her (the opposite of a sweet and thoughtful girlfriend you know what I mean if you're watching it) could do such a thing, and just really showed how she loved Derek and (despite her denial to it) her capability it really go all the way (into marriage and commitment and responsibility) with him.

I also like how Owen in Season 5 became existent as Christina's love interest. We saw there that Christina handled the relationship in a different way compared to how she did it in her past relationship with Burke. Then she was more of a "taker" in the relationship, but with her relationship with Owen, she really took the plunge despite Owen's personal issues and all those, she choose to understand instead and guide him all the way through recovery. I must say, although I like the Christina-Burke tandem, I also like theirs..I don't know which one I like better.. Maybe Meredith and Derek's :)

Okay so much for blogging, I should sleep now. :)


Finding A Place In This World

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I am in this part of my life wherein I feel like I have no direction; I am lost.

Eversince graduating college, I have been searching for the perfect job for me. Call me idealistic (actually I am), but I am looking for a job that I would love-- I want to be happy working, I want to love what I am doing. But still, after months and months of looking.. I still am unsuccessful.

I never wanted Finance, I just wanted to shift courses and my mom won't let me unless I take this course (because during that time, 2 years ago, Finance is a very "in demand" course), so I've got no choice. I thought I think I'd like it since generally I like numbers, but of course during the course of study I realized it's more than that. Computations and mathematical problems are just a part of the whole field (I know! Call me naive!! haha!). But nonetheless, I knew I had to finish it, I don't wanna delay my stay in college (that was the primary reason why I shifted in the first place). I literally dragged myself into studying and finishing, trying to get good grades and all that... And I knew, I never wanted to pursue a career in finance. I wanted something to do with commuication, PR, creativity-- MARKETING.

I applied for marketing jobs, but of course the number one competition there are Marketing majors, becuase they have studied a lot more about the field than I did, although I did have the passion and the heart for learning. So I thought... "If there's one thing I know I'm good at that I would really have a chance in, what would it be?"

The answer was pretty simple... And I can confidently say that anybody I know could attest to it.

SINGING.

It was and is and will forever be my passion, my first love, my everything.

But then, circumstances, rather PEOPLE, forbid me to do what I love. I must've had the chance.. But my parents won't let me try it unfortunately, and that's why I'm really having a hard time.

Eversince I was a kid, all my decisions have been controlled basically by my parents. I understand, and I let them most of the time in the past (although I protest, now, I realize that without them, I would've gone lost in this world, you know what I mean?). But now I have graduated, I knew I had to make my own decisions, decide about my life and all that stuff because finally, I know I am "eligible" to handle my life. I thought I can finally be happy and live that life that I want to; enjoy the job that I want and all that. But no, I just can't. They seem to be a shadow in my life, controlling every step of the way. And I HAAAAAATE IT. I hate what they do because it seems like they won't let me live my life, because I'm still not responsible in their eyes (based on my mistakes in the past).

My point is, people do make mistakes, AND LEARN FROM IT. It doesn't necessarily mean when I commit a mistake, it already means I cannot handle responsibility, trust, or even myself. Everybody goes through that, and I know even they did. I understand them being afraid to see me hurt (or whatever their reason is why they won't let me basically live my life), but how eactly can I learn if they won;t let me try? They are my parents, and I know that part of the parents' responisibilities is guinding their children, but, they're not guiding me. they controlling me already and I feel stucked. therefore I even feel more depressed. And sad. And miserable. And all those kinds of things.

I thought my life already sucked after what happened to me months ago (by the way, I'm really etting the hang of him being gone), but this sucks even more :( 1) not having a job; 2) not having a peaceful relationship with my parents; 3) not having a direction in life.

I just hope I find my way soon :( that I finally put the pieces of my life back again. That I can finally by happy. That I can finally be peaceful. That I can finally be loved the way I deserve to be loved. That I can finally find my way back to where I should really be.

P.S. How do you know if it's meant for you if you don't try in the first place?


Thursday, May 28, 2009

Brida

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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. LOVE DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL BUT REJOICES IN THE TRUTH. IT ALWAYS TRUSTS, ALWAYS HOPES, ALWAYS PERSEVERES. 1 Cor 13: 4-7

I have just finished Brida today and it brought me bittersweet thoughts. I know that the story is fictional but I can't help but also believe in that things such as Soul Mates really exist. It somehow gave me hope or maybe another excuse (hahahaha) to believe that there will reall come a time that I'll be able to meet that person who was "once part of me-- we were part of each other in the past". It actually brought back feeling in the most recent past that I am slowly letting go of. I'd like to think that I'm like The Magus, and like Brida in The Magus' life, he is my Soul mate. I will say this over and over again, that we are really comfortable with each other, that even before, even without the romantic feelings, I feel safe around him as he was with me. It felt like we've known each other from the start. During the short time, I experienced happiness like nobody ever made me feel. I guess every person in our lives bring us happiness like no other... But his was special, and in our case, maybe it just had to end like it. Like Brida, he has his Lorens in his life and I can't compete with that because HE LOVES HER, and being wonderfully at ease with each other or knowing that WE HAVE THE SAME PATH isn't gonna stand against love.

Since I've let go, I know I've received a lot more blessings. A friend told me, "You had to let go of the "good" so you could receive the BETTER." Indeed, this is true. I actually promised myself (in prayer) last week at the LIFE Conference that I'm never gonna think about it again... But I realized it's inevitable. It was once part of my life. he was once part of my life. I wouldn't have found myself again if it weren't for everything that happened. I wouldn't have been coming back fully and truthfully to God if it weren't for the things that happened. So it will always and forever be a part of me; of what I have been, what I am now, and what I WILL BE.

"People give flowers as presents because flowers contain the true meaning of Love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in the field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds of the horizon
..

...That is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. You were my hope during my days of loneliness, my anxiety during the moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith."
- The Magus, Brida


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Kiss the Air...Goodbye.

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I have come to the end of that exciting and memorable journey.

I knew I had to quit..I knew I'd do it sooner or later.

It's just so hard... I feel as if I didn't have any worth.. I feel as if he really didn't care about me.. Well I know he did but I just wasn't able to feel that last night..

I am so sick adn tired of crying and crying over and over again..

I know it's my fault because I choose to go into situations where I know I am at a loss.. But still, I try hoping things would be different..

I know it's true that you can never be happy if you have stepped on feelings of others; whether they knew it or not.. It's only now that I'm beginning to realize that...

Well. It's over. It's done.

"For what it's worth, I think I am in love with you.. If it weren't for the situation you know I'd be running back to you... But I think this is the best decision to do... I am crying... I'm crying because I'll really miss you... so much... I don't knowhow I will face everyday now... Knowing that maybe I could've had you... It just wasn't the right time.. "

Kiss the Air

If I stayed with you
I would live a lie
For you deserve a love
This heart cannot provide
So I’ll wish you well
And be on my way

I’m not the one who could give you what you need
So I’ll bid you farewell but don’t you dare watch me leave

I didn’t mean to
Hurt you this way
But I’m not what you need
So I guess
I’ll just be on my way
One day you’ll wake up
And thank me for what I did
When you’re living your happy life
Behind your white fence, new husband and kids

Like a captured bird
Who yearns to sail the sky
I will unlock your cage now
So prepare to fly
And I’ll kiss the air
And hope it finds you well
Goodbye

I’m not the one who could give you what you need
So I’ll bid you farewell but don’t you dare watch me leave

I didn’t meant to
Hurt you this way
But I’m not what you need
So I guess
I’ll just be on my way
One day you’ll wake up
And thank me for what I did
When you’re living your happy life
Behind your white fence, new husband and kids

I didn’t meant to
Hurt you this way
But I’m not what you need
So I guess
I’ll just be on my way
One day you’ll wake up
And thank me for what I did
When you’re living your happy life
Behind your white fence, new husband and kids

So, I’ll kiss the air
And hope it finds you well
Goodbye



Wednesday, April 1, 2009

..at the losing end.

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Why do I always have to be in a situation where I'm the one who's really hurting? Okay partly because I chose to be in this, despite of all the known circumstances...

I have placed myself again in a very difficult situation.

Again I have overestimated myself.. I though I could really do separate "playing around" with my own true feelings...But no turns out I can't. Well I don't love him YET, but I know I'm on my way to, if I don't stop..

..And I have to stop. In this process, I am hurting someone. Some people actually.

I am hurting some innocent person who doesn't know what's going on... I'm hurting my friends because of my situation... I didn't want to be in this.. But I am happy. I was.. Until all these feeling starts rushing into me-- Love, confusion, (my conscience playing in my head), fear...

I don't want to be alone.. I don't want to be alone :(

Friday, March 27, 2009

[senseless blog]

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there's nothing like you...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

It's Been Awhile..

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Actually not a while, but it has been like centuries since I've last written here! I was kinda shocked to see that the last post that I did was about our thesis which happened some 3 months ago! And a lot of things has happened, some good, some bad.. Well for one, I'm officially an Alumni of De La Salle University- Manila, and that's good! But experiencing the bum life isn't! I thought I would get to really enjoy resting a bit and just chilling in the house, finally having my "vacation" after about 16 years of straight studying and hard work and everything...But no!i get restless everytime, even if I get to do church work (singing and recording and rehearsing for the Easter Cantata) every week and go DLSU to rehearse for the upcoming concert, during the times that I'm here at home I tend to feel uneasy, that I'm actually doing nothing.

I've gone to several job interviews and I'm just really not feeling it--most of it, because it's all about banking and I'm lost!! I mean, yeah, I graduated with a major in Finance, but we all know (well ALL my friends know) that I really wasn't into this, I just had to shift that time and my mom won't give me other options other than that. But what I really wanted to do is to be able to practice my public relation-communication skills, in fields like marketing and sales or similar. I know that I'm a good communicator and I relate to all kinds of people, I know how to deal with them. And this exact job description has presented itself to me yesterday. I really want the job but I'm afraid I lack the "experince" in writing so I'll have to send them some of my "works". I'll have to make some maybe...I really want this job. please, pray for me!

P.S. PLEASE PLEASE WATCH "IN LOVE" THE FIRST MOVIE-CONCERT IN DLSU-M BY THE DE LA SALLE INNERSOUL AND THE DLSU CHAMBER ENSEMBLE!! IT"S ON MARCH 27, 2009, 7:00 PM AT THE TERESA YUCHENCO AUDITORIUM!! FOR TICKETS PLEASE CONTACT 0927-4504582!! THANKS!