Eversince graduating college, I have been searching for the perfect job for me. Call me idealistic (actually I am), but I am looking for a job that I would love-- I want to be happy working, I want to love what I am doing. But still, after months and months of looking.. I still am unsuccessful.
I never wanted Finance, I just wanted to shift courses and my mom won't let me unless I take this course (because during that time, 2 years ago, Finance is a very "in demand" course), so I've got no choice. I thought I think I'd like it since generally I like numbers, but of course during the course of study I realized it's more than that. Computations and mathematical problems are just a part of the whole field (I know! Call me naive!! haha!). But nonetheless, I knew I had to finish it, I don't wanna delay my stay in college (that was the primary reason why I shifted in the first place). I literally dragged myself into studying and finishing, trying to get good grades and all that... And I knew, I never wanted to pursue a career in finance. I wanted something to do with commuication, PR, creativity-- MARKETING.
I applied for marketing jobs, but of course the number one competition there are Marketing majors, becuase they have studied a lot more about the field than I did, although I did have the passion and the heart for learning. So I thought... "If there's one thing I know I'm good at that I would really have a chance in, what would it be?"
The answer was pretty simple... And I can confidently say that anybody I know could attest to it.
SINGING.
It was and is and will forever be my passion, my first love, my everything.
But then, circumstances, rather PEOPLE, forbid me to do what I love. I must've had the chance.. But my parents won't let me try it unfortunately, and that's why I'm really having a hard time.
Eversince I was a kid, all my decisions have been controlled basically by my parents. I understand, and I let them most of the time in the past (although I protest, now, I realize that without them, I would've gone lost in this world, you know what I mean?). But now I have graduated, I knew I had to make my own decisions, decide about my life and all that stuff because finally, I know I am "eligible" to handle my life. I thought I can finally be happy and live that life that I want to; enjoy the job that I want and all that. But no, I just can't. They seem to be a shadow in my life, controlling every step of the way. And I HAAAAAATE IT. I hate what they do because it seems like they won't let me live my life, because I'm still not responsible in their eyes (based on my mistakes in the past).
My point is, people do make mistakes, AND LEARN FROM IT. It doesn't necessarily mean when I commit a mistake, it already means I cannot handle responsibility, trust, or even myself. Everybody goes through that, and I know even they did. I understand them being afraid to see me hurt (or whatever their reason is why they won't let me basically live my life), but how eactly can I learn if they won;t let me try? They are my parents, and I know that part of the parents' responisibilities is guinding their children, but, they're not guiding me. they controlling me already and I feel stucked. therefore I even feel more depressed. And sad. And miserable. And all those kinds of things.
I thought my life already sucked after what happened to me months ago (by the way, I'm really etting the hang of him being gone), but this sucks even more :( 1) not having a job; 2) not having a peaceful relationship with my parents; 3) not having a direction in life.
I just hope I find my way soon :( that I finally put the pieces of my life back again. That I can finally by happy. That I can finally be peaceful. That I can finally be loved the way I deserve to be loved. That I can finally find my way back to where I should really be.
P.S. How do you know if it's meant for you if you don't try in the first place?
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