Supposedly Dated August 30

Now I understand to hold you I must open up me hands and watch you rise...

I was listening to my iPod when the song Butterfly by Mariah Carey was played. These words above are the ones that were stuck in my mind. I don't know why...

But I will stand and say goodbye, for you'll never be mine...

I guess I need proper closure. I don't wanna get stuck with this mess for a long time especially now that everyone's practically moving on with their lives... I just need a fresh start please. :(

I typed this on my iPod almost a month ago... Now, nomehow, I'm slowly picking up the pieces and trying to get on with life. I'm really bad at this part of my love life (or should I say lost love life? HAHAHAHA!)

Counting The Days..

As the days draw near, I feel... I don't actually know what I'm feeling. I've been counting the remaining Sundays I'll be able to sing... Counting the Wednesdays I'll be able to sing and attend the Revealed Service.. Counting the days that I could spend with my family watching Grey's Anatomy (yeah, I've persuaded my mom and dad to watch and they're liking it) and eating and laughing (yeah we don't fight as much right now thank God)... Counting the days I could spend with my friends...

I actually am looking forward to stating anew. Meeting new friends. Forgetting what needs to be forgotten. Leaving what needs to be left behind. But on the other hand, I don't want to forget something that have taught me something. Wounded me but made me stronger. Pushed me to my limits. Set my boundaries.

I want to achieve something. But I feel like... I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I don't have what it takes. I used to really want it. I used to have visions of me doing it. But I just can't feel it.

To Jillian

I look at you and I see a very talented and wonderful singer who's so anointed. You may think you didn't do well but you did. I know it's God but, I'm still proud of you. You're ready, and, it is your season believe me. :)

Apologize

I just wish you'd be man enough to say sorry for the things you've caused me, the way I did to you. You acted as if you were the victim, not that I'm saying I was the victim 'coz I'm not, we both chose this. But I just want you to acknowledge that it wasn't only you who got hurt; I got hurt badly too, I don't know if you had an idea (of course you do, I told you I loved you). I think, I'm over you I know I don't love you anymore, but I'm not over what you did and I won't be over until you say, "I'm sorry".

Read Between the Lines (Starbucks Entry #3)

12:11 AM

We had the right love at the wrong time...

I'm actually here at a churchmate's workplace, we went straight here after the "supposed to be recording". It's a Japanese Club (now now, don't judge, you don't know what it looks like, it's not a bad environment, I've seen it firsthand), and I'm staying inside the Tech Booth right now, while the Japanese customers dance with their CCA (they're not called GRO anymore; and they look decent and presentable actually, nothing really slutty) while waiting for him to finish talking to the Manager that evening.

I guess I always knew inside, I couldn't have you for a long time...

The "supposed to be" recording at 5:00PM actually really started at 6:00PM, and we weren't actually able to record anything; it basically consisted of just rehearsals, for both me and Kuya.

And if they're calling you away, I have no right to make you stay...

I'm going to a friend/ex-colleague's play this Saturday and I'm so excited. Partly because I'll get to see our other friends, and partly because I'm so thrilled with him embarking on a "new journey" like this, like me. I have known in the past that this was what he really wanted; and I'm so glad that he;s able to fulfill all his dreams; I know he'll surely go a long way-- with those looks and talent, it's UNDENIABLE. He's even starting it big, being an alternate to a famous teen singer and theater actor. I'm a proud friend. KUDOS TO YOU! =)

Somewhere down the road, our roads are gonna cross again, it doesn't really matter when...

Cel got her Mac already!! I'm so happy for her and looking forward to recording maybe even a song or two before I go. :) And moreover, I'm excited to have a Mac myself! December (or earlier) please? :D

Letting go is just another way to say I'll always love you so...

You Are Not Alone

You are not alone in feeling sad that I'll be gone soon, that I'll be missing this brand new friendship that we have, that I won't be hearing much from you in a few weeks' time... and all that (I can go on and on, but there's just a lot, others not meant to be seen by others *wink* haha). But all I want you to know is that, during that short time, you've made me feel welcomed, you've opened the door to meeting new people and being more at ease in the environment that we are in; being more at ease with you. I think I have never met a girl that I've easily trusted with everything, and I guess, in times like these that I don't have anything to talk to, it's nice to know that I have you whenever, almost 24/7. Haha!

For what it's worth, I'd like to thank you, for the wonderful last few months before embarking on a new journey. We'll know soon enough why we are placed by God in each others' lives, so don't think too much haha! You know that I love you and I know that you love me more than you hate me for leaving.

P.S. I know you'll be reading this soon enough. TELL ME WHEN YOU DO OKAY? :)