Realize

Here's the lyrics of the song from Colbie Calliat, Realize, for my best-est friend. :) para sa atin 'to..I hope they realize that in time. :)

Take time to realize

That your warmth is

Crashing down on in
Take time to realize

That I am on your side

Didn't I, didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you

No it's never gonna be that simple

No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize

What I just realized

Then we'd be perfect for each other

And we'll never find another

Just realize

What I just realized

We'd never have to wonder

If we missed out on each other, now

Take time to realize

Oh oh, I'm on your side

Didn't I, didn't I tell you

Take time to realize

This all could pass you by

Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you

No it's never gonna be that simple

No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize

What I just realized

Then we'd be perfect for each other

And we'll never find another

Just realize

What I just realized

We'd never have to wonder

If we missed out on each other, but

It's not the same

No it's never the same

If you don't feel it too

If you meet me half way

If you would meet me half way

It could be the same for you

If you just realize
What I just realized

Then we'd be perfect for each other

And we'll never find another

Just realize

What I just realized

We'd never have to wonder

Just realize

What I just realized

If you just realize

What I just realized..

Someday, I know, someone will realize your worth--and love you wholeheartedly. It may, or may not be him, but it will definitely come. :) Someone out there will see what a wonderful person you are-- how simple, beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, trustworthy, strong, responsible...oh, the list is enless. But the bottomline is, you are an amazing person, and we see that in you, I see that in you.. definitely someone will.

Remember what I told you last night [or around 1AM? hahahaha], you are beautiful, and I'm saying this not because I am your friend but simply because you are. :) I love you and I'll always be here for you, most especially if you want to "reverse roles". :) you are one of the most remarkable people I've met in my life and you know that I'll forever treasure our friendship. You have been in my life for quite a long time now and I hope you'd still be in it even after what? a hundred years? :) basta. Thank you for making me feel that I'm not alone. For constantly being there for me, whenever. I love you dearie. *hug*

P.S. I know I not as good as you are when it comes to writing, but, I hope you get what I mean. :)

P.P.S. Nahirapan ako maghanap ng picture natin together. we should have one album na tayo lang dalawa. hahahaha. :) I love you girl! :)

Get Lucky, Get Blessed, Get Love.

I was browsing through my friends at friendster when I saw the homepage of this girl named Suzanne. I remember her from my freshman year at Bloomfield. We're not really close... actually not close at all, that's why I never heard about any news when I left Bloomfield to transfer to Seton, moreso when we all graduated highschool and started college.

Now I see her, with this guy, in the US! Her status says "Married" but I don't think they are though. But still, the idea of being with the person she loves, in a differenct country and all that.. Makes me want to think that indeed, some people get lucky in love.

Even just seeing Liana and Keng super in love.. Looking perfect for each other, Having a "perfect" relationship [not perfect as in no problems and obstacles and such, but you know, they manage to survive through it all]... Makes me want to think that some people are indeed blessed in love.

I don't know, even if I say that I'm not believing in that happy ending anymore, finding that right guy for me anymore... At the back of my mind.. I'm still HOPING my Mr. Right would come soon and take me and make everything all right... :)

The Pressure's Up!

I know, maybe you'll think my reaction's a bit...late, na ngayon ko lang narealize na kailangan na pala ako mag-panic.

With barely 2 weeks before the finals, a week before some deadlines, I think I'm gonna be spending days and days of sleepless nights, doing papers in two subjects.. FINQUAM, and BUSIPOL. Okay, konti lang yan compared to the other people who has 6 subjects and 6 papers all at the same time. I'm just glad, underload na ako ngayon, I'll only be taking 12 units until I finish school, probably because I already took some floating subjects when I was fixing my shifting papers.

But hello?! FINQUAM is hard. At least for me. Well, I can't concentrate of reading those articles and getting to finish it to start making summaries and finally the synthesis. Me and my partner still have 3 articles to go plus the synthesis nga. I just hope I'll be able to find the ULTIMATE INSPIRATION [Okay, let me clear this, it doesn't have to be SOMEONE, just, some.. whatever that could be a source of joy and everything. hahaha I'm so weird.].

I don't have class today because the school cancelled the afternoon and evening classes so I'll be spending the next few days of Holy Week here at home, bumming.. AND DOING MY PAPERS!

The term is about to end! And I'm about to undergo my OJT... I honestly don't know what to expect. I think I'll be working at the Department of Finance or the BSP, which is good because I'll be having a busy time juggling my OJT duties and rehearsals and performances at school for the upcoming LPEP again, and it's better that it's just near school! New Freshmen again! I'm excited although I havent't heard the song that we're gonna sing..

Oooops! Before the OJT I'll ba having a Leadership Training and Teambuilding Seminar [2 days at school and an overnight in I don't know where yet] in preparation for being an Executive Board in Innersoul. I'm actually excited!

Nakikini-kinita ko na na I won't have time for a vacation talaga.. On my last summer vacation ng college.

I'll just have to maximize the time that I'm gonna have, if ever there will be.

Falling in Love

I can't help but post this here even if I told myself that this blog should be purely about my thoughts; my own posts. But it's so nice and I kind of feel that it's applicable to where I am now.

I wanna believe that I can find someone and fall in love again.

Liana commented on my previous post and I'm gonna say this here:
"Someday, someone will come into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else."

I wish I can stil believe that you know. :)

From the book Letters to My Son by Kent Nerburn

Falling In Love

It is a mystery why we fall in love.
It is a mystery how it happens.
It is a mystery when it comes.
It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience.

Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share.

And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share.

More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.

When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again.

They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away..
Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it choose to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

If you keep your heart open, it will come again.

I Think He Knows...

..rather, I KNOW THAT HE KNOWS.

I knew that it wouldn’t take long until he finds out, for I know I’m never good at hiding my emotions—of extreme joy, or kilig, or everything else.

It doesn’t really bother me that he already knows that I STILL like him, but it’s just that I’m kind of bothered and kinda questioning why, despite the fact that he knew [or felt] that I like him, he still keeps on reaching out? Why does he always initiate our chats at YM or why does he still talk to me before classes or whenever we have time? No, don’t get me wrong, of course I’d still want to talk to him, share whatever things with him, because, I STILL LIKE HIM. It just bothers me and keeps me wondering…”Why does he give me all the chances to get to know him more—therefore to like him even more, when he already recognized that we could only be friends; that he chose to be my friend?” My mind tends to over-analyze things, that’s why I’m coming up with all these kinds of thoughts. I know he doesn’t mean to [because he doesn’t know how I feel now, I mean what I feel since I knew that he knew.] make me feel this way, na parang sinasadya nyang magustuhan ko siya, eh alam naman nya na hindi naman siya gagawa ng move; ayoko lang yung feeling na I'm hoping there could be something when in fact there's none, I’m just... bothered. I have questions in my head that I want to ask him but I know I never could. I don’t want to ruin a good friendship anyway. I don’t want this to again be a reason for shattered friendships; I’ve had enough of that.

I’m just letting my feelings out here, so that I just could… let it out. Because I feel really bad about the exam yesterday and..

..maybe the fact that I know that nothing’s ever gonna happen.

..that I have to keep my feet up and just..move on.

..that I’ll just have to find someone as goal-oriented, as funny, as spontaneous, as intelligent, as clean, as respectful, and as decent as he is.

For all those who wonder why I like him [especially one person who really shouldn’t be asking why in the first place..because I guess she should know], there it is. There’s a lot more, but I don’t wanna bore you into that.

Uhmm. I just want to know, what the heck is wrong with me? I know I'm not exceptionally beautiful, I know I'm not as smart as my Eco-Finance classmates or my BSA friends, I know I'm not the girly-girly conservative and reserved girl that I think most of the guys would want, I know I'm not a simple/conservative girl--in terms of clothing, I know I'm not..conservative. period.-- and I know I can't be like them; because I choose to be me... Spontaneous, boisterous, lively, and fun-loving me. Never irresponsible [maybe sometimes], but just.. know that I do what needs to be done... I want a person who would like me as me... Who would accept me for everything that I am; including my faults and failures. I would want to believe that there is, someone out there who's waiting to meet me but then I guess I'm kind of not believing it anymore. Okay, people say, I'm still young, I know I am, but... sheesh. I can't explain and I don't want to; for not all people could understand how I think, most especially how I feel.

This is entirely one self-pity moment.

Okay, moving on..

I'm Giving Up.

I'm giving up already.. I can't focus on anything anymore.. It feels like everything I do doesn't make sense anymore.. I feel like I'm not giving effort on the things that I truly need.. I lack the courage, I lack the strength-- physical, emotional and spiritual.. I hope I can be able to regain my strength and stand up again.. soon. or else, I'll be doomed in this forever.

I don't wanna go for something unsure. but fate keeps taking me there. I don't wan to get hurt for the nth time, but I guess I'll have to go through it over and over.. I'm tired of the pain.and the sorrow. But what can I do? I always lead myself back to the things that gives me those very same things.. In the end I just want a happy life.

I'm sorry this is such a weird blog. I can't study. I can't do anything. I guess all I need to do is sleep and hope I'll be fine tomorrow for my dreaded exam. I don't wanna fail.

Taking a Few Minutes of my Time..

The clock is ticking. It's already 10:30 PM, and I just finished having dinner [or snack, because I'm trying to lose weight again], I just got home around 10:00 PM because Dez and I stayed at Starbucks to chat, when I should be going home already because I'll be having "the exam" tomorrow. I'm dreading waking up tomorrow unprepared so I'll try my best to study really really hard tonight [even if I stay 'til dawn] because I can't afford to fail-- I don't want to fail! [who wants to?] But I still feel that no matter how hard I study, I'll never be able to answer tomorrow's questions with ease. I don't know what's in store for us tomorrow I'm kinda scared... We'll be spending three solid hours solving..rather trying to answer the only ones we could..

I wanna get this over and done with.

Icky Feeling of Kabaduyan

It's so funny that I keep thinking about you and you don't have any idea about it.

It's so funny that I feel butterflies whenever we talk, even for just a moment.

It's so funny that I wanna freeze every moment so that I could lovingly gaze into your eyes for a long time.

It's so funny I'm doing this, when I should be doing something else important.

It's so funny I'm becoming so baduy because of this!

I'm going crazy already. Please please help me!

I deserve to be happy; I deserve a decent lovelife. HAHAHA.

So much for this icky entry. Just pretend you didn't see this one here; I just had to let it out. haha. :)

An Unexpected Message

A simple "Good morning" could brighten up my day, especially if it came from "The Surfer Boy". Hahahaha. It's just that he's not the type who'd text or send a message on YM for no reason [actually it was the first time he ever sent me YM message! It was me who'd reach out and text him or send a YM message whenever I'm losing my mind, or when friends would encourage me into "keeping the connection" haha..]

How did I meet him? Well, I met him at a dating game my friend asked me to go to and be a searcher. And Surfer Boy was the searchee who won. We had a double date with the organizer of the event [my friend and blockmate] and her boyfriend. I was fascinated by the fact that he's into music [I guess I always have a thing for musicians or singers or dancers? Other than that, those who are smart. :)] and intrigued that he's kinda quiet but funny. I know, it's contradicating, but that's the way he is!

Anyway, I was just happy he asked how I was. :) Oh, happy day? No, I haven't even left the house yet!

22 Years and Counting..

My mom and dad celebrated their 22nd anniversary in a different way.



Instead of the usual "dinner at a resto" or something romantic, they chose to GIVE.



They celebrated their anniversary by eating at my Tita's hamburger and fishball stand [at their house], brought the pancit that my mom cooked, bought kikiam and chicken balls there, and gave my tita one cavan of rice which could really be of help to them now that they aren't receiving any money from my uncle in Canada. We ate happily while talking about anything we could think of. We chatted endlessly like there's no tomorrow.. We laughed our hearts out and forgot every single problem that we have...



Hmmm. I just wanna say, I'm proud of my parents. Eventhough we seldom argue about different things, I'm still happy and grateful to be their daughter, to have such wonderful parents. They have always shown me the "art of giving" and I've learned pretty much through the years.



I say, more years to come for the both of them! :)



P.S. I'm still thinking if I'm gonna go to my tita's house back again and bond with my cousins and leave the house all to themselves [my parents]. What do you think? :)

Going Gaga over Gossip Girl

Everyone's talking about Gossip Girl! Or every girl at least. :)



A few months ago, I have already heard my friend talk about Gossip Girl. I never thought that it was a TV series though, but a magazine or something else not really worth my time.



Then January came and I was thinking of a "character" for our February concert's poster and that friend suggested I go for the "fashionista" look and showed me a picture of the stars of Gossip Girl [4th episode specifically, when S and B went shopping and saw Dan], and I didn't quite like their style [Blair's actually], and therefore went for another "character".



And then, I came across this TV show that's been airing at ETC now, and I'm really really loving it! I love the way they dress and basically I love the storyline. I've been downloading the episodes on the net, eager to see what will happen next...

I remember how Kenji and I talked about how we can really relate to the story, not because we're part of "The Elite" [because we're/I'm not, but maybe the others, or maybe majority of the people at school], but because of all the GOSSIP. Being a student artist in school isn't as easy as people think it is. We may have some privileges, but being in there entails so much more aside from all the rehearsals and performances. In order to "survive", one needs to have a tough heart and mind to be able to get past all the gossips, may it be true or not, and be able to stand firm to defend yourself and keep yourself from falling... that's what I learned.



Like what gossip girl said [or at least what I heard]: "You're a nobody until you've been talked about."

First of the many weird entries.

I’ve been picking up pieces of thoughts..

I was inspired by a friend of mine to create my own blog. A blog that’s so different from what I have in my multiply account. Something that can be of “worth”, something that people could learn from my everyday life.. something that teens like me could ponder about the simplest to the most complicated of our generation’s worries. Not that I’m an expert at this and I know all the solutions to all of our problems, but I just wanna write something [or things] that can be of value [or not] to some people, most especially to my friends, and for me to be able to express myself as well. Not just through all the surveys, questions to be answered, etc. that has always been the “in” thing to do especially when you’re totally bored. Okay here it goes.

First up: Too much things to do, so little time.

Do you know the feeling when you know you have too many things to do that you just end up just lying around the corner, and not being able to do anything at all? That’s what I feel and that’s what I’m doing. Next week, I'll be having a Long Exam on my hardest Finance major subject ever, and I haven’t had the courage to study. I also have a summary to submit [a draft for our final paper’ it’s not really required but I have been giving myself and my partner a deadline—that both of us wasn't able to accomplish unfortunately.] Then there’s the submission of applications to be part of next year’s Executive Team of CARe—I’m still thinking if I’m really gonna join this one because it means more responsibility! Haha.

I have all these things to do… Yet I still do not have the courage to make a move and do a little something about it. And it doesn’t feel good at all. I want to do it, but I just do not have the drive.. Anyway, I guess I’ll have to push myself a little more later.

Second issue: Myself. Haha. That’s always an issue.

I like this guy who told me he liked me way back but didn’t pursue me because he’s friends with my ex and bestfriends with one of my college friends. He knows I LIKED him too, but he doesn’t know that I like him still. Liking him even more actually.

Now he’s kinda liking this girl who I don’t really like [Well, I don’t personally know her but I can tell that I wouldn’t like her. Okay, I’m mean, fine, but that’s the way I feel you know?] And he’s kind of thinking on making a move on her. AND he first told it to ME. Wow, can you imagine how frustrated and sad I was? Hahaha.

I have grown fond of our friendship. Really. I started to befriend him last term when we were classmates in 3 subjects [basically we see each other everyday], we started being “study buddies”, doing reviewers for each other, studying in the library and all that stuff. I loved hanging around with him, he influences me to study even more... I liked him back then, but I was infatuated with this guy that used to like me back so I gave more attention to the latter who ended up screwing both our friendship and our lives. I didn’t know he liked me that time. And as if it would matter [WOULD IT?] I really do not know.



Wait. My thoughts are kind of messed up now; I think I’ll have to end it here. I'll just continue when my thoughts are all lined up again.





Meanwhile, I'll just be singing, "..over you.. I'm never over, over you.. something about you, it's just the way you move, the way you move me.."



As i come to think of it, this entry does not have any worth. At all. Poor me.